Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Camera of My Mind

Last week I had my son take a couple of photos of me in my workout gear. My before pictures.

I won't post them because I don't want to scare anyone away.

Not a pretty picture.

The interesting thing to me was how different I look in the picture from what I see in my mind's eye, even when I've stood before a mirror. I've long since given up on seeing myself as the svelte, twenty-something I was twenty years ago.

But I didn't see myself quite the way the camera captured me.

I really could be a contestant for NBC's The Biggest Loser.

The mind is an intriguing thing. God made us in such a way that we are able to protect ourselves from unpleasantries. It's why folks seem to be apathetic and uncaring sometimes. They're not, when faced dead-on, but if not hit smack in the nose, they're able to "see but not see".

That's what I've been doing.

I do a pretty good job of hiding what's beneath my clothing, and it's a good thing I do.

Eye-opening is the word that comes to mind.

When I get to my goal, I may actually post those pictures because I'll be really proud of how much I lost, and how hard I worked to lose it. As much as losing weight is about better health, I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about how I looked. I've completely lost my sense of what size I am, because I don't shop a lot, and what looks good on me. I'd like to get back to a point where I can want into any woman's store and try on something off the rack that doesn't have an L or X in the size.

Until then, those pictures are for my eyes only.

Peace & Blessings,

1 comment:

Chicki said...

It's funny (not really) how women have distorted self-perceptions when it comes to our physical bodies. We're either at one extreme end of the spectrum or the other.

Sometimes I wonder if it's really all that important. I mean, I want to be healthy, and heavier doesn't necessarily mean unhealthy if you have no medical issues. But we all have this obsession with thinness. Like I said before, I'm moving to Mauritania...