Choosing Not

I learned one of my biggest life lessons at a women's ministry conference some ten years or more ago.

It was about choices.

Now of course the concept of making choices wasn't anything new to me. But what the speaker enlightened me about was "choosing not to".

As in choosing not to get upset or angry when someone says something you don't like.

Choosing not to be offeneded when someone does something unkind to you.

Choosing not to feel slighted when someone leaves you out, inadvertently or on purpose.

Choosing not to fly into a rage in the heat of a disagreement. (Particularly useful for married couples.)

Choosing not to be vindicative or spiteful, not to retaliate in kind when you've been hurt.

Choosing Not.

The choice is yours.

This was eye-opening and life-changing for me. I was never one to hold grudges but after a disagreement, it might take me a while to cool off.

I'd never thought about having the ability to control my emotions simply by thinking in terms of making the positive choice of choosing not.

Not to be angry.

Not to be frustrated.

Not to be fearful.

Not to be cynical.

Not to be distrustful.

Not to be hurt.

Not to be offended.

Not.

The choice is mine.

This made a huge difference in my life. Initially, I had to talk myself through situations, and occasionally I still do. I found myself saying, "Maybe she meant to hurt my feelings but I choose not to be hurt." Then I took a deep breath, exhaled...

And I'm wasn't.

Do this enough times and it starts to become second nature.

Talk about powerful. It's one of the most freeing concepts I ever learned.

If you want to know more, you can get the tapes here.

Peace & Blessings,
Patricia

Corrective Measures for Self-Sabotage

I've been talking about self-sabotage.

When you feel yourself heading down a worn and familiar but not very friendly path, there are things you can do to halt, turn around, and snatch back a positive psyche. In on particular order, except I do suggest starting with the first item on the list:

Pray

Take a long, luxurious soak in a warm bath.

Sing worship songs.

Read a devotional book.

Listen to thumping, gotta-get-out-of-your-seat-and-dance gospel music. Kirk Franklin comes to mind.

Spend some time around children. Not caring for them but watching them.

Connect with a friend with whom you are 100% transparent. Let it out if you need to, then have them pray with you.

Do something that makes you feel good, like baking a cake, planting flowers in a garden, strolling on a beach, etc.

Take the focus off you and do something nice--and unexpected--for someone else.

Write a letter to someone you haven't been in touch with for a while.

Look at photographs of memorable and happy times.

Eliminate the triggers that are contributing to your downfall. (In my case, that might mean getting out of the house and away from readily-accessible food for a while.)

Try something new you've always wanted to do, like a new recipe or a new hairstyle.

Sing. (Out. Loud.)

Go for a walk. (Great time for that singing or praying or even better, listening.)

Take a nap.

Do whatever it takes to break the negative thoughts going on in your head or to cease the negative actions you are in the middle of taking.

Peace & Blessings,
Patricia